Thursday, October 25, 2012

Playlist: Belly's Best Music of 2012, August-October

Ice Choir, "I Want You Now and Always," from the album Afar

Lindstrøm, "Rà-àkõ-st (Todd Terje Extended Edit)"

Matthew Dear, "Her Fantasy," from the album Beams

Four Tet, "Locked," from the the album Pink

Saint Lou Lou, "Maybe You (Good Night Keaton Remix)"

Wild Nothing, "Paradise," from the album Nocturne

How To Dress Well, "Running Back," from the album Total Loss

(Click the link for the song.)

Mark Fell, "SOA-1," from the album Sentielle Objectif Actualité

Deepchild, "Then We Dissolved," from the album Neukölln Burning

Andy Stott, "Luxury Problems," from the album Luxury Problems

Holy Other, "Held," from the album Held

Valgeir Sigurðsson, "Between Monuments/Guardian at the Door," from the album Architecture of Loss

Sigur Rós, "Varúð," from the album Valtari

Memotone, "With Time Between Us," from the album I Sleep. At Waking

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Wednesday Wine Pairing: Joseph Händler Riesling with Ingres' "Death of Leonardo"


After yet another inexcusable absence, BWW&FP returns thanks to the largesse of an enlightened patron; a modern-day Renaissance man, he is a physician by profession, but excels also in the realms of athletics, humor, and the brewing of ultra-carbonated hard cider. From this close friend I received a month ago a shipment containing four bottles of wine intended to inspire my inebriated intellectual inquests. I can only ask that my generous benefactor will excuse the delay in the inception of what will hopefully blossom into a stimulating tetralogy; tardiness that I attribute to my prudent patience in awaiting a congenial confluence of my inveterate exertions with energetic enthusiasm, an essential but evanescent companion to creativity.

The first of the quartet of wines sampled was Joseph Händler Riesling, a 2011 vintage from the Pfalz region of Germany.


Saturday, August 11, 2012

Exhibition Review: “Gauguin, Cézanne, Matisse: Visions of Arcadia” at the Philadelphia Museum of Art


Currently on view at the Philadelphia Museum of Art is the exhibition “Gauguin, Cézanne, Matisse: Visions of Arcadia.” Also the name of a region in Greece, Arcadia became a designation in art and poetry for a mythical, idyllic, rural paradise in which the sensual pleasures of wine, music, and love are exchanged freely in a lush, natural setting, while society’s ills – such as war and death – are mysterious presences relegated to the margins. Such themes have been a mainstay of Western cultural production since antiquity, when the first-century Roman poet Virgil fleshed out the fabled region and its inhabitants most enduringly in his Eclogues.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Belly’s Wednesday Wine & Food Pairings (and Concert Review!)


Greetings my dozens of faithful readers. I hope you will be enthused to discover that, after a long hiatus, BWW&FP has returned! And this might truly be my favorite one yet (though it has some stiff competition), for a couple of reasons: I was dining with my very good friend, Samantha, and after our meal we took in a wonderfully fun concert. Who knew venturing out of one’s parents’ basement and interacting with people could be so enjoyable?

Monday, July 30, 2012

Playlist: Belly's Best Music of 2012, April-July

A staggering amount of great music has been released in the past four months. I assembled the highlights from numerous albums, as well as some singles and EPs, in order to share some of the pleasure I've been experiencing. There are some excellent videos in here as well, especially the one for Little Boots' "Every Night I Say A Prayer." I'm kidding about that one, but, in all seriousness, readers/listeners would be well-served to see this playlist through to the end. That said, allons-y.

Sunday, July 29, 2012

Art Review: Get Your Rats (and Get) Out*


On July 25th, the artist Laura Ginn staged an exhibition called “Tomorrow We Will Feast Again on What We Catch,” at the Allegra La Viola Gallery on the Lower East Side of Manhattan. While I did not attend this event, I experienced it vicariously via a review in the New York Times. After doing so, I felt compelled to share my own assessment of the concept, execution, and reception of this exhibition.

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Belly's Wednesday Wine & Food Pairings: Strictly Platonic Edition


This week, we again omit the “F” in BWW&FP, at least in the literal, material sense. Instead, this week’s wine is paired with sustenance for the soul. Behold.
We have here a 3-liter cask of Almaden Vineyards Heritage White Zinfandel (from California, $6.99 for the equivalent of four 750 milliliter bottles – that’s less than $2 per bottle, people; curiously, a slightly better value than the 5-liter casks) paired with Plato, specifically his Phaedrus. By way of an explanation for this pairing, allow me to articulate my motivations for selecting this particular vintage in the first place. (I swear it was not simply the price.)

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Belly's Best Music of 2012: At the Quarter Pole




At the end of 2011, I compiled a list of my favorite records released in that year. It consisted of 13 albums. This year, I feel as if I've been inundated with very good music at a much greater rate; though perhaps my unemployment is responsible for this impression, as it has given me more time to keep abreast of new developments. Accordingly, as we round the quarter pole of 2012, 14 albums have thus far caused me to take note. Faithful readers will not be surprised by the heavy concentration of electronic music. Additionally, female musicians and vocalists, often possessing a retrospective bent, feature prominently. However, lest I be accused of sexism, I should point out that one of my favorite albums on the list - Tanlines' Mixed Emotions - was made by a pair of dudes. In any case, hopefully my abundance of free time, resulting in this aggregation of tunes, will allow the more harried to find something they like without searching too exhaustively. Finally, please note that the selections are listed simply in alphabetical order and numbered only for clarity. Have at it, after the jump.



Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Snoop Dogg: Deep House DJ

A delightfully surprising (and free!) mixtape from the always smooth Snoop D-O-double G. Link below.
01 TEKNO EURO MIXX

Friday, March 16, 2012

Kick Them When They're Down

"Them," in this case, refers of course to the Duke Blue Devils, who, as a number two seed, just went down in flames to the fifteenth-seeded Lehigh Mountain Hawks. However, it is not enough to note that Duke has a pathetically inferior basketball team this year. We must also keep in mind that, if they have souls (and most likely they do not), they are as black as the deepest night. Thus, I feel on hesitation in kicking them when they're down. Indeed, it's what they would do if the roles were reversed, as you can see. 



Despite the awesome, uplifting, glorious fact that we do not have to view the disfigured mugs of the Plumlees, Ryan Kelly, and the rest of Duke's mong brigade until next year's season, we will undoubtedly be subjected to watching Christian Laettner's shot against Kentucky in the 1992 national semi-finals over and over and over. The selective and gratuitous repetition of this episode is a potent reminder that all history is interpretation; subjectivity invariably enters into and colors the recounting of events past. In this case, the NCAA, as well as every major TV network and corporation, for some reason (probably racism) choose to paint Duke as heroic victors, despite their undeniably petty, reprehensible nature, illustrated in the disgraceful act committed by Laettner. So, every time you see the insufferable UPS commercial featuring the hackneyed highlight from this contest, please recall that the game in question also included this lowlight. Furthermore, one could ask why UPS did not simply include a rundown of all Laettner's NBA highlights, which could fit just as easily into a 30 second television commercial, but I suppose that's beside the point. The point is that Duke is utterly terrible in myriad ways.

In any case, congratulations to Lehigh and, on behalf of humanity, I extend our deepest gratitude.

Friday, March 2, 2012

Three Hypnotic Minutes

I don't mean to turn this into a site in which I simply post music, but this video and song have such an extraordinarily beautiful confluence that I wanted very much to share it. Additionally, CFCF is a remarkable musician that has put out a wonderful album (Continent) and two EPs (Panesian Nights and The River), but is still relatively unknown. I highly suggest checking him out. The following song is apparently from an upcoming album, called Exercises. Enjoy.


CFCF, Exercise #3 (Building)

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Keep It On The Down Low

Recently, I posted a playlist on the occasion of my (sort of) birthday. It consisted of newer, fashionable music, for the most part. However, I must admit that I wasn't always so hip. I started to develop an awareness of popular culture in the early 1990s and, in all honesty, I was conflicted from the very start. How could one not be? I was supposed to be developing into a man (a traditionally masculine one, that is), yet I was being bombarded by some of the most affecting, sensitive ballads of our time. On the one hand, I tried to act tough by professing a preference for hard rock and hip-hop; but then I would flip on MTV and get misty-eyed watching the videos you see below. I hated that I loved these songs; it embarrassed me thoroughly. But, looking back, I think my instincts were right and I'm now prepared to admit my affinities, which I've kept on the down low all these years. Who's with me? (Songs after the jump...)

Friday, February 24, 2012

Playlist for Drinking Alone on One's Birthday

Despite the title, I assure you I'm not seeking sympathy with this post (though, if you're offering, I might take just a little...). Honestly, I've had incredible birthdays the past couple years when nearly all the best lads on the eastern seaboard descended on me for joyous weekends of carefree frolicking (easy, not like that). It was much more than I deserved and I'm incredibly grateful to have such wonderful friends; it would be selfish to ask for more (but if you guys are coming to surprise me, that doesn't mean you should scrap your plans or anything). So, in that magnanimous spirit, I thought I'd give a little something back, rather than my usual taking. Unfortunately, I don't have much; hence, I offer music. 

Contrary to the melancholy title, I would characterize this playlist as a smooth, pleasurable listen, with enough bounce and variety to keep things interesting and fun, though I must admit that it does end in a somewhat wistful, doleful (but hopefully not unpleasant) manner. All in all, it's not unlike myself: smooth, pleasurable (that's gross, sorry), interesting, fun... well, maybe not, on second thought. But the end is, at least. Wistful, doleful, hopefully not unpleasant: Yes, that's more like it. In any case, whether alone or with others, raise a mug of the sweetest white wine you can find and enjoy. (Playlist after the jump...)

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Belly's Wednesday Wine & Food Pairings

I realize it has been a while since the last BWW&FP. However, this time I have a good excuse for my apparent slothfulness! Plus, in the meantime BWW&FP gained a veritable anthem in a wonderful song by Blondes, titled simply "Wine." 


(Incidentally, I make an appearance in the video around the 3:00 mark.)

Now, why have I been tardy in bringing you your weekly wine knowledge? 


Sunday, February 19, 2012

Belly's Birthday Wish List

Remarkably, another year of my life is about to expire. Although, now that I look back on the previous sentence, I suppose such an occurrence isn't particularly remarkable; with each passing day each and every one of us draws closer to the cold, dark end; to oblivion, to Elysium, to the Inferno, or to whatever awaits us beyond the threshold of our current experience that we so casually call "life" or "reality," whether accurately or not. That being said, the anniversary of one's birth (or the mile-markers along the way to one's death, however one wants to look at it) should clearly be employed as an opportunity to accumulate much-needed material possessions. 


So, I will take this opportunity to note that I have spent innumerable hours slaving away selflessly at this enterprise, which has been entirely for your enjoyment, dear readers (as one of my favorite chanteuses, Lana Del Ray, sings in "Video Games:" "It's you, it's you, it's all for you..."). Additionally, I know many of you have enjoyed my efforts, as the newly installed visitor counter on the right sidebar attests. Well alright, perhaps that's not an overwhelming number. In any case, as I am positive that none of you are mooching socialists, I thought you might like the opportunity to give something back to help sustain my hitherto philanthropic philosophical endeavors. If you are so inclined, below you will find a brief list of suggestions for gifts; just a few items that have tickled my fancy lately. Thank you in advance.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Valentine's Day Gets My Goat


Need I offer an explanation as to why Valentine’s Day is irritating? Methinks I don’t. In fact, let’s switch gears: Instead of focusing on the negative and spewing some petty, vitriolic tirade – a frequent occurrence here at Belly Blog, I realize – we should give in to the (hollow, meaningless) spirit of this (sham) holiday. And so, let us celebrate a tale of love involving our friend, Pan, to whom I introduced you a short while ago. Remember him? Handsome fellow.
Arnold Böcklin, Idyll (detail of Pan), 1875; oil on canvas; Munich, Neue Pinakothek.
Now, Pan has had many amorous adventures, most of which have ended in rejection, unfortunately.

Saturday, February 11, 2012

Lana Del Ray, A-Okay



Last weekend, some friends and I got together in Manhattan. Earlier that week, I had emailed one of the guys and asked him the question that seemed to be on everyone’s lips: “What do you think of Lana Del Ray?” 
He replied that he hadn’t heard enough – of her music or, remarkably, of the surfeit of internet chatter – to form an opinion. (For the record, I feel that this is one of the few worthwhile, well-considered articles out there.) So, while having a few beers before going out on Friday night, we put on her recently released album, Born to Die. It was a hit. A half-dozen lads, professionals (and myself) in their mid to late twenties, most of whom had not heard Ms. Del Ray’s music previously and knew little or nothing about the “controversy” surrounding her, were swaying, grooving, and, once we learned the words, singing along. It was a hell of a good time. We put the album on again that night when we returned from the bars. And again the following day. And again that night. You get the idea.

This morning, I had the pleasure of waking up with Ms. Del Ray, by which I mean I left Born to Die on repeat overnight. This came after an evening of binging on boxed wine and singing along with “This Is What Makes Us Girls” (I bloody love that track), which itself followed a day of scouring the internets for videos, interviews, and articles featuring the enchanting young chanteuse. (Who knew unemployment could be so grand?) Yes, I realize that I’m acting like a pathetically besotted fanboy. But the fact remains; I haven’t been so addicted to an album in a long, long time. Even truly excellent recent releases by Blondes and John Talabot have taken a backseat to Ms. Del Ray and Born to Die.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Nietzsche's Nook


Edvard Munch, Portrait of Nietzsche, 1906; oil on canvas; Stockholm, Thielska Galleriet.
Last week, I promised that I would expand on Friedrich Nietzsche’s defense of pessimism and disparagement of optimism, which he articulated in his first published work: The Birth of Tragedy from the Spirit of Music (first published in 1872; referred to hereafter as the BoT). I have been meaning to do so for some time, not simply as an exercise in pedantry, but rather as something of a personal justification. Believe it or not, dear readers, but I have been accused of being a pessimist, an individual possessing an overly gloomy worldview. However, I maintain that I have a positive relationship with my negativity, of which these writings are but one example. Instead of giving in completely to narcissism and launching into a rambling attempt to explain something that is likely of little interest or benefit to the world at large, I felt it would be more enriching if I introduced my readership to some passages in which I find great wisdom and solace, which will also serve to provide insight into my own personal formulations on the necessity of pessimism, as well as how it can even be considered a positive attribute. Additionally, Nietzsche is a philosopher about whom many misconceptions and incorrect generalizations exist. By bringing you into direct contact with a bit of his work (and perhaps more in the future), I hope that you can begin to form your own ideas about a remarkable individual who conceived of himself as an affirmer of life, and whose originality, audacity, remarkable mental agility, and furiously intense writing style should be appreciated, even if, in the end, you do not find his actual philosophies to your liking. Finally, I hope that this brief rundown of Nietzsche’s BoT, in which he articulates his conception of Dionysos and the Dionysian impulse in man, may illuminate past and future writings of mine, which frequently mention this primal god, known most commonly for his association with wine and revelry.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Belly's Wednesday Wine & Food Pairings



This week, there is cause for celebration here at BWW&FP. It has come in the form of a luminous golden vision, on the right in the photograph below: 
What you are witnessing, my friends, is booze incarnated in a form so incredibly inexpensive that its existence can be attributed only to divine providence. Here we have Almaden Vineyards' Mountain Rhine Wine (Platinum Medal Winner at the 2011 Consumer Wine Awards), from California. The fact that Germany's Rhine River is located over 5000 miles from California becomes inconsequential when we note that this bountiful box contains five liters of wine – the equivalent of six and two-thirds bottles – for the modest cost of only $14.99 (roughly $2.25 per bottle). I have paired this beverage with a rather curious product: Amnon's Pizza. This foodstuff is apparently the result of pizza being made traditionally in a shop in Brooklyn's Borough Park, then frozen and shipped to supermarkets countrywide. (Why anyone would purchase such an item is beyond me. My mother, while being great and all, is sometimes an imprudent grocery shopper. More on the experience of this pairing after the jump.)

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Belly's Wednesday Wine & Food Pairings


As you may have noticed, I am a bit behind and off schedule in documenting the scintillating chronicles of my attempts to submerge my awareness of the present in inexpensive wine. However, I could ask the question: Need one who is unemployed keep a strict schedule? To which I could answer: No, one needn’t. One could instead lie around all day and listen to the Polish producer/composer Jacaszek’s delightful neo-classical melding of electronic and chamber orchestra music.

And so it has come to this, dear readers:
Not a morsel of food in sight; only a gutted cardboard shell of Black Box Riesling whose innards have been extracted rudely and drained ruthlessly of their numbing nectar. This is a vintage I have enjoyed before, despite the fact that it also is not, as I explained on a previous Wednesday eve. But we can discuss the unique manner in which my Riesling came into being on this night a bit later. For now, allow me to gather my thoughts as I (re) experience this familiar, yet novel wine.

JC’s Banging Birthday Week, Day VII: Happy Birthday, You Bastard!*


*Dear readers: The term “bastard” is being used here in a strictly definitive sense to refer to a child born to unwed parents. Any connotations ascribed to the term are your own. Plus, you guys know I would never slag off JC on his b-day.

Happy Christmas, everyone! The big day is finally here and with it comes the conclusion of our weeklong celebration of the infant baldnessstrange gratitudemarriage to an older womanmagicnear make-out sessions, and hangovers of JC. As today is his birthday, I think it fitting that we investigate the actual circumstances by which JC came into this world. Unfortunately though, my dear readers, I must warn you that this tale is more than a bit sordid and involves perhaps the worst case of cuckoldry in history. In the end, our opinion of the so-called “Holy Family” may be altered, and we might never be able to look at all those professional portraits, for which Mary made Joseph shell out way too much money, in quite the same way.
 
(Peter Paul Rubens, The Holy Family with Saints Francis and Anne and the Infant Saint John the Baptist, probably early 1630s; oil on canvas; New York, Metropolitan Museum of Art. Why are you wedged into that dark corner, Joseph? Is it because you're a cuckold?)

It will still be fun, though; mainly because we have occasion to use the word “cuckold” gratuitously. 

JC’s Banging Birthday Week, Day VI: JC Gets the Worst Hangovers, but R. Kelly Eases the Pain



Yesterday, I let you in on how much fun JC was on a night out; or, more accurately, how much fun he wasn’t. However, dealing with all that drama was nothing compared to trying to get him moving the morning after a big piss up. JC gets the worst hangovers: This according to JC, of course. Though I must admit, he never did look very good when we would swing by to pick him up for brunch or whatever.
 
(Hans Holbein the Younger, The Body of the Dead Christ in the Tomb, 1521; oil and tempera on panel; Basel, Kunstmuseum. An interesting aside: After seeing this painting, Dostoevsky said that it was enough to make a person lose one's faith. More on JC's hangovers after the jump.)

JC’s Banging Birthday Week, Day V: JC is Uncomfortable with Homoerotic PDAs


Today in our weeklong celebration of JC’s birthday, we will address a question that I’m sure is on many of your minds: What was JC like on a night out? 

In the interests of full disclosure it should be known that JC was into some fairly strange stuff. Sometimes he would take us to these… places. We didn’t want to know what went on when he went in; we would just wait outside and let him do his thing.
 
(Piero della Francesca, The Flagellation of Christ, c. 1455-1460; tempera and oil on panel; Urbino, Galleria Nazionale della Marche.)

Look, I’m an open-minded guy, but it was all just a bit much. If you want to go on, there's more after the jump.

JC’s Banging Birthday Week, Day IV: JC the Magic Zombie Master


Thus far in our weeklong celebration of the life of Jesus, we have focused our attention mainly on JC’s baby years, as well as touched upon his activities nearly 1200 years after his passing, when he was the psychedelic hallucination of a malnourished monk. As such, I think it necessary that we flesh out JC the man: What were his interests? How did he spend his free time?



Belly's Wednesday Wine & Food Pairings



My announcement nearly a fortnight ago that BWW&FP would be retired due to my poverty met with distress on the part of many of you, my valued readers (much to my delight, I must admit). In order to keep me immersed in the fermented grape pressings that I so adore, I was even offered patronage (fitting for a humanist such as myself), as well as corporate sponsorship from a multinational investment bank (tainted support that I would never accept). But fret not, dear readers, BWW&FP has returned of its own accord, because, well, it was terribly urgent that I have at least few drinks, for various reasons. Have I mentioned that I live with my parents? 

JC’s Banging Birthday Week, Day III: Baby JC Ties the Knot


On Sunday, we met Baby JC: He was a baby, he was ginger, and he began balding almost immediately after being born. With those debilitating conditions in mind, Baby JC came to the conclusion that he had better lock down one of the many ladies that were all up on him, so to speak. Now, the actions of these women may seem more than a bit gauche, but can you blame them? The man - by which I mean the baby - had incense, he had gold, he lived in a barn, and he was from a good family. (I’m referring here to his real dad, not Joseph, a lowly carpenter. This issue will be addressed in due time.) We like to think that sort of stuff doesn’t matter, but, unfortunately, women can sometimes be superficial when on the hunt for an infant husband.

There was one lady in particular that caught Baby JC’s eye... 

JC’s Banging Birthday Week, Day II: JC Shows Love for the Faithful or Flying, Six-Winged, Laser-Shooting Monster Attacks Huge, Drably Dressed Man



Today’s episode from the life of JC will be unique in our weeklong celebration, as it took place about 1200 years after JC’s actual life. But, as most of you probably know, JC does not allow piddling things like death to slow him down. So, here’s what happened: Around the turn of the twelfth century (by which I mean the twelfth century was ending and the thirteenth was beginning - wait, so would that be the turn of the thirteenth century? I’m truly not sure. Anyway…), there was this guy called Francis of Assisi who loved Jesus. He did the usual stuff: renounced all his earthly possessions, went and lived on a mountain, prayed a lot; as I said, it was pretty standard. But apparently he was better at it than all the other people who also did that stuff because Jesus took notice and decided to do something nice for the guy, who was basically sleeping on a rock and eating dirt, I think.

Let’s have a look at Giotto’s rendering of JC expressing his thankfulness to Francis for the latter’s devotion:
(Giotto di Bondone, Stigmatization of Saint Francis, 1320s; fresco; Firenze, Sta. Croce, Bardi Chapel.)

To give you a bit more insight into what’s going on, below you will find a completely accurate transcript of the exact conversation that took place between these two prior to the event depicted above. (Disclaimer: The following account of said conversation may not be completely accurate.)

Jesus: Oh hey, Frank, thanks very much for being the most faithful guy on Earth at the moment.

Francis: No problem, JC. To be completely honest, there’s not much to do in the early 1200s anyway. Most people live in conditions quite similar to the ascetic lifestyle I’ve imposed upon myself so nobly. (Disclaimer: I imagine that this is somewhat accurate, maybe.)

Jesus: Oh come on; don’t be modest. The rocks you sleep on are way harder than those on which others sleep; and you eat far less dirt than most of the gluttonous blasphemers around here, which shows fortitude, or something. In return for your sacrifices, I’ve decided to give you a little present. Do you want to know what you’ve won?

Francis: Oh, Jesus, you didn’t have to get me anything. [To himself: It’s got to be an Ipad! Open the gates Porn City, Big Frank is coming to town!]

Jesus: Check this: I will personally appear in one of your hallucinations, still nailed to the cross, but I’ll be flying through the air, with wings! And not just two wings, like some lame regular angel. I won’t have four wings either, like some other, slightly less boring type of angel. Dude, when you see me, I’m going to have six wings. Basically, I’ll be a seraph, which is tough to top. I’m pretty sure six is the most wings that angels are allowed to have. I’ll have to check with my dad later, but I’m almost positive that six is the max.

Francis: Uh…

Jesus: But that’s not all! Again, in gratitude for your extreme faithfulness, my hallucinatory image will shoot golden lasers from my sacred wounds and burn holes into corresponding spots on your body! You will have the exact same puncture wounds as I did on that terrible, terrible day; which, I imagine, will be awesome for you!

You’re speechless, I see. Well, clearly JC has nailed it again! See you next time you hallucinate due to extreme malnutrition! Oh, that is not what I intended to say - sorry! I meant "the next time you hallucinate due to your extreme faithfulness." Your hallucinations are definitely spiritual. Definitely. Ok bye. [Scampers away.]

Francis: [To himself: This is worse than that terrible present I got for my last birthday. Oh well, back to wanking to clouds that look vaguely like ladies.]


(Published originally on Decemner 19th, 2011.)

JC's Banging Birthday Week, Day I: Baby JC's Ginger Male-Pattern Baldness


Since Christmas is clearly the most magical time of year, and since it is clearly all about memorializing the birth of Jesus Christ, in the week leading up to the big day I have decided to devote myself to the celebration of the birthday of the number two man upstairs (God is number one, right? Or are they one entity, thus making them both number one? That would be kind of lame, but I can't remember if that's accurate. Or are they simultaneously one entity and separate entities? That would be even more lame, in a way, but also intriguing. Anyway, I must move on...). I will do so by selecting choice moments from Jesus' life that have been depicted skillfully in art and sharing them with you, my audience of perhaps a dozen. The celebration will culminate on Christmas day, when I will unveil a birthday paean that hopefully does justice to JC; a fellow I consider affectionately as psychedelic, not too into experimentation, wacky, not always concerned with looking his best, sometimes able to fly and stuff, and, finally, someone who just does not give a hoot what other people might think, among other things. 


We will start at the beginning: JC, like most of us, was once a baby. I think it is safe to say that he is the most painted baby in history; by which I mean that loads of artists painted loads of pictures of him, not that people literally came up to him and applied paint to his person while he was an infant. That would have been nuts. But hey, it was the Dark Ages or something, maybe that was cool then. People did tons of weird stuff back in the day: get the plague, forget how to read and write, serfdom. If you inserted "applying paint to babies" into that list, it probably wouldn't seem very strange.


Now that that has been cleared up, behold baby Jesus, in painted form:

(Pietro Lorenzetti, Madonna and Child with Angels, 1340; tempera on panel; Firenze, Galleria degli Uffizi.)


As most of you probably know, baby JC's later life would get somewhat tough, unfortunately. What those of you untrained in the discipline of Art History probably do not know is that Lorenzetti presaged this hardship in his particular depiction of the young second-in-command of the Armies of Floating Cloud Land. Take a closer look at a detail of Lorenzetti's painting:

Oh Jesus, that's a high forehead. You are just born and already your ginger locks are retreating frantically; they are not even making a pretension of holding the (hair) line. If that's not an omen that one is going to be crucified in thirty-three years exactly, I don't know what is. What a cruel, cruel world. But even in the face of this injustice, he's such a good guy: He's not mad at ya, Ma. Or is he? He might be mad. Do babies even have emotions? It's hard to tell. 






Check back for Day II of JC's Banging Birthday Week tomorrow, December 19th.


(Published originally on December 18th, 2011.)

Cloud Copulating



Clouds are apparently all the rage these days: Cloud computing, cloud… something or other, and cloud… Well, if I couldn’t think of a second example I most likely won’t be able to think of a third. Also, I must confess that I have no idea what cloud computing is actually.

At any rate, those of you who live in the northeastern region of the United States, Britain, or even France probably know that at this time of year traditional clouds are also omnipresent. Indeed, I feel as if I have been gazing at the same drab, overcast sky for weeks on end. So heavy and unforgiving is the vista that there may as well be an immeasurable slab of slate suspended between the heavens and myself. The lack of sunlight and open sky is oppressive to me and causes my mind to meander down twisted paths. I begin to wonder, what if the clouds descended and tried to copulate with people?

Do not smirk, for it has happened! Not to me, and perhaps not literally. But observe, if you will, Correggio’s Jupiter and Io:
Antonio Allegri da Correggio, Jupiter and Io, c. 1532-1533; oil on canvas; Vienna, Kunsthistorisches Museum.
Correggio depicts Jupiter, or Zeus to the Greeks, on the pull, as usual. The object of his affections is Io, a maiden from Argos. Tactile sensations dominate the impression made by this painting. The hard, coarse earth and gnarled tree root are juxtaposed starkly against the silken, almost liquid drapery, which itself shields the warm, pliant corpus of Io from the disagreeable textures of the landscape. Correggio somehow bestows temporarily the sense of touch to the eyes of the viewer, and then, by his remarkable virtuosity, carries us even further, making us believe that we are witnessing the impossible. Not only does Io embrace the cloud as if it was flesh, but her own yields inexplicably under Jupiter’s immaterial grasp. The convincing evocation of physical contact is in no small part due to Io’s rapturous response to the god's misty ministrations: her head is thrown back; her lips, parted; her toes, curled. Io even returns the favor and fondles with her right hand her vaporous paramour.  

Federico II Gonzaga, the duke of Mantua, commissioned this stunning painting to decorate his sumptuous villa, the Palazzo del Te. It was one of a quartet of works depicting the loves of Jupiter as told by Ovid in his Metamorphoses. Though Ovid relays the myth most famously (toward the end of Book I), Aeschylus also provides an account in his tragedy Prometheus Bound, from which I quote here:

Io: In my maiden chamber I was persistently visited by nocturnal visions which coaxed me in smooth words: “Most greatly blessed maiden, why do you remain a virgin so long, when you could have the greatest of unions? Zeus has been heated by a dart of desire coming from you, and wishes to partake of Cypris with you [Note: Cypris was the homeland of Aphrodite, the goddess of erotic love]. Do not, my child, spurn the bed of Zeus, but go out to the deep meadow of Lerna, among the flocks and cow-byres of your father, so that Zeus’ eye may be assuaged of its desire.”

(From Aeschylus, Prometheus Bound, lines 645-654.)

And she did! Ridiculous. I hope you’re taking notes, gentlemen. If you fancy someone, just sneak into your beloved’s bedroom while she’s asleep, badger her with your wish to fornicate betwixt the livestock, and it will be all go. Also, I suppose it helps if you happen to be king of the gods. In any event, Io went out the fields – according to Aeschylus she was sent there by her father in accordance with messages received from oracles, Ovid places here there by happenstance – and Jupiter descended upon her in the form of a cloud, both to hide Io and disguise himself from Juno (Hera to the Greeks), his jealous wife. However, Juno knew something untoward was going on and identified the unnatural mist as Jupiter. But, before Juno could catch him in the act, Jupiter transformed Io into a cow, albeit an exceptionally beautiful one, so as to hide her amongst the rest of the herd that occupied the field. Juno, still suspicious, spitefully asked Jupiter to make her a gift of the comely heifer. Jupiter had no choice but to comply. So that cloud copulation could not recommence, Juno placed Io under the watch of Argus, the hundred-eyed herdsman. Jupiter, seeking to release his love from this captivity - and probably in an attempt to have it off with her once more - had Mercury (Hermes to the Greeks) slay Argus. Juno observed this action of her husband as well, and sent a divine gadfly to sting Io perpetually, chasing her to the ends of the earth and back. In fact, the Bosphorus, the strait that divides Europe from Asia, is named after Io’s tortured flight, as the Greek bosporos translates roughly to “ox-passage.”

So, it all worked out in the end.

(Published originally on December 17th, 2011.)

Strictly Platonic


One of my life's goals is to read all of Plato's surviving dialogues (current progress: 8 down, 36 to go). As I venture through this rich landscape I would like to share with you passages that resonate with me particularly powerfully; because everyone should be at least acquainted with Plato, in my opinion.

The following passage comes from Plato’s Theaetetus, a dialogue concerned primarily with the epistemological question: What is knowledge? However, Theaetetus contains a wonderful digression on discussion and argument itself, the ethical consequences of arguing for the sake of momentary victory as opposed to gaining knowledge, and a refutation of the notion that sustained intellectual inquiry is impractical, which I found particularly pertinent to the present moment. Though I have extracted what I took to be the most significant bits, it remains fairly long. Still, I encourage you to read what follows carefully and in its entirety. Additionally, it may be helpful to consider the terms used below according to the specific context in which they are employed in the dialogue, rather than how they may be understood in common parlance.

As I said, what I have quoted comes from a digression in the dialogue. Socrates, Theodorus, and Theaetetus have just evaluated Theaetetus’ first proposal to the question ‘What is knowledge?’ (Theaetetus asserts initially that knowledge is perception, but this is refuted by Socrates in a stimulating exchange that I also highly recommend.) Before proceeding to a new argument, Socrates for some reason feels compelled to say a few words on the nature of discussion and argument in general. This is likely a bit of political commentary by Plato on his own milieu, which he is known to have inserted into his dialogues. 

Socrates: It is the height of unreasonableness that a person who professes to care for moral goodness should be consistently unjust in discussion. I mean by injustice, in this connection, the behavior of a man who does not take care to keep controversy distinct from discussion; a man who forgets that in controversy he may play about and trip up his opponent as often as he can, but that in discussion he must be serious, he must keep on helping his opponent to his feet again, and point out to him only those of his slips which are due to himself or to the intellectual society which he has previously frequented. If you observe this distinction, those who associate with you will blame themselves for their confusion and their difficulties, not you. They will seek your company, and think of you as their friend; but they will loathe themselves, and seek refuge from themselves in philosophy, in the hope that they may thereby become different people and be rid forever of the men that they once were. But if you follow the common practice and do the opposite, you will get the opposite results. Instead of philosophers, you will make your companions grow up to be enemies of philosophy.

A bit later, Socrates continues by addressing the distinction between a philosopher – which I take generally as a title for those willing to engage in searching, reasonable discussion – and a lawyer, which I think can also be taken in a broader sense – as a man with facility in the conventions of society and the ability to win an argument because of it, but with little true wisdom – and of which Socrates’/Plato’s opinion will become clear upon reading the following (my apologies to lawyers who venture to read on, though he does have a point):

Socrates: (…) How natural it is that men who have spent a great part of their lives in philosophical studies make such fools of themselves when they appear as speakers in the law courts.

Theodorus: How do you mean now?

Socrates: Well, look at the man who has been knocking about in law courts and such places ever since he was a boy; and compare him to a man brought up in philosophy, in the life of a student. It is surely like comparing the upbringing of a slave with that of a free man.

Theodorus: How is that, now?

Socrates: Because the one man always has what you mentioned just now – plenty of time. When he talks, he talks in peace and quiet, and his time is his own. (…) It does not matter to such men whether they talk for a day or a year, if only they may hit upon that which is. But the other – the man of the law courts – is always in a hurry when he is talking; he has to speak with one eye to the clock. Besides, he can’t make his speeches on any subject he likes; he has his adversary standing over him, armed with compulsory powers and the sworn statement, which is read out point by point as he proceeds, and must be kept to by the speaker. (…) And the struggle is never a matter of indifference; it always directly concerns the speaker, and sometimes life itself is at stake.

Such conditions make him keen and highly strung; skilled in flattering the master and working his way into favor; but cause his soul to be small and warped. His early servitude prevents him from making a free, straight growth; it forces him into doing crooked things by imposing dangers and alarms upon a soul that is still tender. He cannot meet these by just and honest practice, and so resorts to lies and the policy of repaying one wrong with another; thus he is constantly being bent and distorted, and in the end grows up to manhood with a mind that has no health in it, having now become – in his own eyes – a man of ability and wisdom.

There is your practical man, Thedorus.

(…)

[The philosopher, on the other hand,] grows up without knowing the way to the market-place, or the whereabouts of the law courts or the council chambers (…). The scrambling of political cliques for office; social functions, dinners, parties with flute-girls – such doings never enter his head even in a dream. So with questions of birth – he has no more idea whether a fellow citizen is high-born or humble (…). And in all these matters, he knows not even that he knows not; for he does not hold himself aloof from them to get a reputation, but because it is in reality only his body that lives and sleeps in the city. His mind, having come to the conclusion that all these things are of little or no account, spurns them and pursues its winged way, as Pindar [ancient Greek poet active mainly in the first half of the fifth century BCE] says, throughout the universe, ‘in the deeps beneath the earth’ and geometrizing its surfaces, ‘in the heights above the heaven,’ astronomizing, and tracking down by every path the entire nature of each whole among the things that are, never condescending to what lies near at hand.

(…)

When [the philosopher] hears talk of land – that so-and-so has a property of ten thousand acres or more, and what a vast property that is, it sounds to him like a tiny plot, used as he is to envisage the whole earth. When his companions become lyric on the subject of great families, and exclaim at the noble blood of one who can point to seven wealthy ancestors, he thinks that such praise comes from a dim and limited vision, an inability, through lack of education, to take a steady view of the whole, and to calculate that every single man has countless hosts of ancestors, near and remote, among whom are to be found, in every instance, rich men and beggars, kings and slaves, Greeks and foreigners, by the thousand. (…)

On all these occasions, you see, the philosopher is the object of general derision, partly for what men take to be his superior manner, and partly for his constant ignorance and lack of resource in dealing with the obvious.

(…)

But consider what happens, my friend, when [the philosopher] in his turn draws someone to a higher level, and induces him to abandon questions of ‘My injustice towards you, or yours towards me’ for an examination of justice and injustice themselves – what they are, and how they differ from everything else and from each other; or again, when he gets him to leave such questions as ‘Whether a king who possesses much gold is happy?’ for an inquiry into kingship, and into human happiness and misery in general – what these two things are, and what, for a human being, is the proper method by which one can be obtained and the other avoided. When it is an account of matters like all these that is demanded from our friend with the small, sharp, legal mind, (…) his head swims as, suspended at such a height, he gazes down from his place among the clouds; disconcerted by the unusual experience, he knows not what to do next, and can only stammer when he speaks. And that causes great entertainment (…) to all men who have not been brought up like slaves.

These are the two types, Theodorus. There is the one who has been brought up in true freedom and leisure, the man you call a philosopher; a man to whom it is no disgrace to appear simple and good-for-nothing when he is confronted with menial tasks, when, for instance, he doesn’t know how to make a bed, or how to sweeten a sauce or make a flattering speech. Then you have the other, the man who is keen and smart at doing all these jobs, but does not know how to strike up a song in his turn like a free man, or how to tune the strings of common speech to the fitting praise of the life of the gods and of the happy among men.

(…)

Everything that passes for ability and wisdom has a sort of commonness – in those who wield political power a poor cheap show, in manual workers a matter of mechanical routine. If, therefore, one meets a man who practices injustice or is blasphemous in his talk or in his life, the best thing for him by far is that one should never grant that there is any sort of ability about his unscrupulousness; such men are ready enough to glory in the reproach, and think that it means not that they are mere rubbish, cumbering the ground to no purpose, but that they have the kind of qualities that are necessary for survival in the community. We must therefore tell them the truth – that their very ignorance of their true state fixes them the more firmly therein. For they do not know what is the penalty of injustice, which is the last thing of which a man should be ignorant. It is not what they suppose – scourging and death – things which they may entirely evade in spite of their wrongdoing. It is a penalty from which there is no escape.

Theodorus: And what is that?

Socrates: My friend, there are two patterns set up in reality. One is divine and supremely happy; the other (…) is the pattern of the deepest unhappiness. This truth the evildoer does not see; blinded by folly and utter lack of understanding, he fails to perceive that the effect of his unjust practices is to make him grow more and more like the one, and less and less like the other. For he pays the penalty of living the life that corresponds to the pattern he is coming to resemble. And if we tell him that, unless he is delivered from this ‘ability’ of his, when he dies the place that is pure of all evil will not receive him; that he will forever go on living in this world a life after his on likeness – a bad man tied to bad company; he will think, ‘This is the way fools talk to a clever rascal like me.’

(…)

But there is one accident to which the unjust man is liable. When it comes to giving and taking an account in a private discussion of the things he disparages; when he is willing to stand his ground like a man for long enough, instead of running away like a coward, then, my friend, an odd thing happens. In the end the things he says do not satisfy even himself; that famous eloquence of his dries up, and he is left looking nothing more than a child.

I would like to close this entry by inserting a brief exchange that actually occurs relatively early on in the passage, but seems an appropriate conclusion in its currently dissected state. Theodorus acknowledges jocularly the inevitability of getting drawn into a discussion by Socrates and compares the philosopher to Antaeus, a mythical giant who lived by a road and compelled travelers to wrestle him in order to pass.

Theodorus: You don’t let any comer go till you have made him wrestle you in an argument.

Socrates: That, Theodorus, is an excellent simile to describe what is the matter with me. But I am more of a fiend for exercise than (…) Antaeus. I have met with many a Herakles and Theseus in my time, mighty men of words; and they have well battered me. But for all that I don’t retire from the field, so terrible a lust has come upon me for these exercises. You must not grudge me this, either; try a fall with me and we shall both be the better.

From Plato’s Theaetetus, translated by M.J. Levett, revised by Myles Burnyeat, in Plato: The Complete Works, edited by John M. Cooper (Indianapolis: Hackett, 1997), pp. 186-196.

(Published originally on December 16th, 2011.)