Kick Them When They're Down

"Them," in this case, refers of course to the Duke Blue Devils, who, as a number two seed, just went down in flames to the fifteenth-seeded Lehigh Mountain Hawks. However, it is not enough to note that Duke has a pathetically inferior basketball team this year. We must also keep in mind that, if they have souls (and most likely they do not), they are as black as the deepest night. Thus, I feel on hesitation in kicking them when they're down. Indeed, it's what they would do if the roles were reversed, as you can see. 

Despite the awesome, uplifting, glorious fact that we do not have to view the disfigured mugs of the Plumlees, Ryan Kelly, and the rest of Duke's mong brigade until next year's season, we will undoubtedly be subjected to watching Christian Laettner's shot against Kentucky in the 1992 national semi-finals over and over and over. The selective and gratuitous repetition of this episode is a potent reminder that all history is interpretation; subjectivity invariably enters into and colors the recounting of events past. In this case, the NCAA, as well as every major TV network and corporation, for some reason (probably racism) choose to paint Duke as heroic victors, despite their undeniably petty, reprehensible nature, illustrated in the disgraceful act committed by Laettner. So, every time you see the insufferable UPS commercial featuring the hackneyed highlight from this contest, please recall that the game in question also included this lowlight. Furthermore, one could ask why UPS did not simply include a rundown of all Laettner's NBA highlights, which could fit just as easily into a 30 second television commercial, but I suppose that's beside the point. The point is that Duke is utterly terrible in myriad ways.

In any case, congratulations to Lehigh and, on behalf of humanity, I extend our deepest gratitude.